Struggles

Warning:  This is going to be long!  Read it when you can actually take a few minutes to really read it. 

I'm sharing this for a few reasons.  I've had some people say things to me like, "You're all into fitness" "This is easier for you than it is for me" "You have been doing this longer than I have" "Well if you struggle, then I don't feel bad struggling and quitting early" "If it's hard for you, I know I can't do it" 

 Here's the truth.  I DO struggle!  Daily.  I struggle with not wanting to workout, with making good food choices, pain, un-motivation, etc.  Everything you struggle with, I do too.  I have found that having people to be accountable to really really helps me.  I have found that getting determined and STUBBORN really really helps me.  Shannon and I ran 5 miles on day, and she said, "I don't know how you do it.  You just keep pushing on and on."  I get determined and set my mind to it.  I make my mind up and that's it.  I don't give myself any other option.  I AM GOING TO DO IT.  Well, those are the good days!  There are days where I talk myself OUT of it 100 times.  And here's an example:

Last night… I was mad at all of you!  I was mad because I did NOT want to do my workout… and I knew I would have to tell all of you.  I wanted a break.  I’ve been going for 18 days straight, doing my dvd every single day and averaging 3-4 runs a week.  I was tired.  I was sore.  I was exhausted!  I couldn’t hardly hold my eyes open.  I had talked myself out of my workout.  But then I felt bad.  I didn’t want to tell y’all I didn’t do it.  I didn’t want a blank spot on my calendar.  I didn’t want to be a quitter.  But God I was tired.  I got home, and debated.  I took my work clothes off, because I had to do that no matter what.  So I sat there in my underwear for a few minutes.  I texted Rocky.  Surely, he recognized how much work I’d been doing lately, and he knows that everyone needs a break from time to time.  He would tell me it was okay to take a break.  He didn’t.  He told me to just do it.  I told him if I did it, it would be half assed.  He said it won’t be once you push play.  Ugh!  I was even madder!  I DID NOT want to work out.  I wanted to go to sleep right that minute, and I could have, and slept like a baby!  But I put my damn workout clothes on.  I put my shoes on.  I thought about taking it all back off. I went into the office and got the dvd started.  I could still stop.  Damn yall!  Damn that sticker!  I wanted my sticker!!! I couldn’t not do it.  I pushed play.

Jillian came on the screen and I got good and pissed off!  I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!  We started the warm up.  Here comes my inner monologue so you can see what happened.  Arm crosses.  My arms are sore!  I upped my weights and that should count for something!  I could still stop and go get in the bed.  On to backwards windmills.  This doesn’t hurt my arm as bad.  Jumping jacks… why in God’s name do we always have to do jumping jacks?!?  My calf hurts too!  So does my knee.  I want to quit.  Toe touch thingies- at least these aren’t that bad.  Neck rolls- I like these.  We don’t do these long enough.  Man my neck is stiff and sore.  What I would pay for a good massage.  Or just sleep.  Effing jumping jacks again!  Is this really necessary?! Ugh!  Circuit 1. Walk out push ups. I really don’t mind these.  I think I see less of me than I did when I started when I look back at my belly during the pushups.  Don’t forget to breathe, it feels like my eyes will pop out of my head when I don’t breathe.  Squat rows.  Damn it my calf hurts!  And my knee!  Why does Jillian do this to me?  Doesn’t she know my arm hurts too.  Everything hurts damn it!  I want to quit.  Whew, walk out pushups again.  I really don’t mind these.  Effing squat rows again.  At least it’s the last minute of strength.  I still want to quit.  I still could.  Ugh, just get this first circuit over with.  Cardio is only 2 minutes, that’s 1 minute less than strength.  I’ve got this! High knees aren’t too bad.  They remind me of running.  I like running.  I’ve really came a long way with my running this year.  Damn these squat thrusts.  My legs hurt!  I can do this, I can keep going.  I’ve done this before with no breaks, I can do it now.  Whew!  Back to high knees.  Damn I have to crawl up from these still.  Yeah, I kinda like high knees.  But we can stop whenever she’s ready. Thrusts again.  I don’t like these.  Let me just do it.  That bitch Natalie does it.  Did you just hear Jillian say that if Natalie does it we can too?!?  Hello!!! Have you looked at her?!  She’s a beast!  Don’t compare me to Natalie!  I have a long ways to go.  Oh thank God it’s time for abs.  I get to stay on the floor.  I like abs.  Oh why did I just think I like abs?!?  Abs suck!  Switch legs. Thank goodness for a little break.  Well it was little cuz I’m still working my abs, just a different leg.

Circuit 2.  Well I did one circuit. I could stop now. I’ve done a circuit, that’s better than nothing.  Static lunges with a row.  I hate these lunges.  My calf hurts!!!  And my arms!  Thank goodness it’s only 30 seconds.  I can do anything for 30 seconds.  Pendulum lunges with bicep curls.  Maybe Jillian doesn’t know… MY ARMS HURT!!  I hate these things I can’t keep my balance.  Half way!?  She’s got to be effing kidding, it’s GOT to be more than half way!!! Maybe she means half way through the whole dvd.  Yeah we’ll go with that.  Cuz I can’t last another 30 seconds doing these!  Back to static lunges with the other leg.  My calf hurts!!!  I can do this for 30 seconds.  Almost there.  Back to pendulum lunges.  I really hate these.  My balance sucks with these.  See!  I almost fell!  There, I so should stop now.  I really need to work on my balance.  There is a balance challenge in the Warrior Dash.  Maybe I’ll incorporate some p90x yoga in after I get through this this damn challenge!  How much longer??!  It’s definitely already been a minute! Is this bitch talking about jean shopping?!?   Like she really struggles with jean shopping!  And bathing suit shopping… don’t even want to think about my bathing suits right now.  Okay!  Cardio! God I hate these oblique twists!  It’s okay, I’ve got this. I can feel them working.  I really want this dvd to work.  I hope I see results!  Skaters.  I hate these too.  Basically I think I hate all of this.  But I don’t really hate it.  I’m just pissy.  I kinda like it.  And I like the results I’m seeing.  Owww!!! My foot!  I didn’t put my compression thing on my foot cuz I was being pissy and didn’t want to workout in the first place. Dumbass!  Shouldn’t have been so pissy!  Ugh!  Back to oblique twists.  I can do this.  It is only 30 seconds.  Hey, it’s the last minute of cardio on level 2 then one minute of abs and then level 3!  I’m doing this!  I’m really doing it and I didn’t want to!  Gonna get that sticker!  Heck yeah!  Skaters.  Careful on my feet.  My stubborn ass was being pissy and didn’t put my foot things on.  I CANNOT hurt my foot!  Then I’ll be out of commission and that IS NOT an option!  Is it raining?!?  Is that THUNDER!!??!  Maybe the power will go out!!! Then I have to stop and it won’t be my fault!!!!!  Please power go out!  Ugh, its still on and time for abs.  Its 2 exercises for 30 seconds each.  I can do this.  I can do anything for 30 seconds.  Eff!!! How long are her 30 seconds?!?  Oh can I please just lay here?  I’ve done 2 circuits, can I stop now?  Better than nothing!  NO!!! STOPPING IS NOT AN OPTION!!! Just like that day I ran 5 miles.  Hell that took over an hour and I didn’t stop.  I can do this 20 minute workout. 

Circuit 3.  I’m in the last circuit!  I’m almost done!  I’m doing it!!! Sticker here I come!  I am proud of myself.  Oh these military presses with leg extensions… again, my damn balance.  Let me find a picture to focus on.  I need to work on my balance.  Man I’m tired.  No wonder I can’t keep my balance. I can barely stand on two feet, more less on one!   Chair sits with a v raise.  The bane of my existence.  Oh how I hate these.  Okay, I’ll push through it.  My arms hurt!  If Beth and Jessica can run for one minute without stopping when they’ve never done it before, I can damn well push myself to do these stupid sits for one minute.  They’ll be proud of me when I can tell them all I did my workout and I REALLY REALLY didn’t want to.  Hell, I still don’t want to and it’s only 4 minutes left.  Back to military press.  YES JILLIAN!!! My shoulders ARE burning right now!  Bitch!  You already knew that, you didn’t have to ask.  Damn balance again. Ugh!  Every time she says something about balance, I’m doing well and then she effs me up!  Hang in there, Bridgette,  you’ve got this!  Okay, last minute of strength… last minute of these stupid sits and v flies.  It’s only one minute.  Breath!  Just breathe through it.  So I’m going slower than them, so what!  I’m still going.  Bitches!  No fair that they don’t struggle and break a sweat like me.  Hell, I’m more than sweating!  I’m drowning!  Was that thunder again?!?  That power BETTER NOT go out now!  Not when I’m so close to being done!  I know the rest of the exercise, I’ll just finish it on my own!  How will I keep up with the time?  I can use my phone.  It has a timer.  I don’t want to have to take a break to set the timer.  Jillian says no breaks.  It would be better than not finishing.  Cuz I’m doing this!!!! I did NOT want to workout and it’s almost done!  See Cardio now! Why in the eff do we have to do EVERYTHING in plank?  Plank jacks… Okay here I go.  Don’t stop.  No breaks.  You’ve got this.  Deep breaths.  It’s only 30 seconds.  I want to take a quick break.  I need to take a quick break.  Okay I’ll just go a little slower instead of taking a break.  See!  Jillian said 3 more seconds. I’ve got this.  Jump rope.  Why did I hate jump rope so much in level 1?  This is the best part of level 2!!! Why can’t I just do jump rope for ALL of the cardio in level 2?  I could survive that!  Damn it!  Back to plank jacks.  Last 30 seconds.  I’ve got this.  Hang in there.  Remember the girls running.  I can do this.  My legs hurt!  My calf hurts and now my thighs hurt too!  YES JILLIAN!!! I feel it in ALL of my legs!!  2 more seconds, go go go! Thank God its over.  Let me crawl my ass up off of this floor.  Ugh!  I forgot about the last set of jump rope.  It’s okay.  I like jump rope, remember?!  Why the hell did I think I liked jump rope?!?  Hang in there, I’ve got this.  I’m not about to DIE… I can do it.  Thank God last set of abs!  Oh, I forgot, I don’t get to lay down for this set.  Damn Jillian.  Back to plank it is.  Okay, I kinda like these because I can feel them working.  I liked them for the first 5 seconds.  Breath in.  Exhale on the crunch.  Focus on  your breathing.  Almost there.  You’re DONE after this!  This is it!!!!  You did it!  You get that sticker!  You are NOT a quitter…. Even though I sure as hell wanted to!  3 more seconds.  I think she lies, its more like 5 seconds.  Done!!!!  Let me just lay here… why does she insist on moving to the stretch so quickly?!?  Okay, I’ll stretch it out, because I’m DONE!!!

So there you go ladies.  That was my struggle last night.  As you can tell, I did NOT want to work out.  I cussed everyone in my head… Jillian for making the dvd, ML’s group for coming up with the challenge, this group because I knew I had to be accountable, Rocky for not letting me off easily.  Hell, I even willed the power to go out!!!  (I guess I took it as a sign from God that my butt needed to work out since it didn’t!  Haha!)   But I pushed through anyway.  I shared all of this because I want all of you to know that I DO struggle.  Just like you.  The important thing is that we dig down deep… way way deep… and find that little something that makes us push to do it.  Motivation is sooo important!  Whether it be a person, clothes, children, looking at motivational pictures and sayings, telling a friend about how awesome you are for doing your workout, a FREAKING STICKER!!!  Whatever it is, find what motivates you and hold on to it with all that you have.  Stay focused on it.  Each day!!!  We have to motivate ourselves DAILY,  and sometimes even several times a day.  GET DETERMINED!  Quitting is not an option.  Set your mind to it.  You are strong!   You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to.  I’m so proud of each and every one of us for doing this together.  We are all at different points in our journeys.  But we ALL struggle.  Just try to take something from my story and the next time you struggle, think about me and just push through! 

I hope this was helpful! J